Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
