I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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