So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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