i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
