ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
