bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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