I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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