as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
