Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
did i just pee glitter
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
