I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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