im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
honey bunches of taint.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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