Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
