I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
