I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
