i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
