So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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