Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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