i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize