You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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