Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
