ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
