You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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