I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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