it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
