is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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