Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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