The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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