who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
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My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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