They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
