he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
