im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
