I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
