My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
