he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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