No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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