If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
