So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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