I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
