Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize