there was a trapeze. enough said
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
