All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
