Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
