I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I need to stop coming to work sober
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
