Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
