Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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