just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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