I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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