3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
