its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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