I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
