Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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