She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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