My girlfriend figured out who you are.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
