I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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