just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Every concussion has its silver lining
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
