i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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