I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
