I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
