It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
