She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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