I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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