Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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