you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
