I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
3 2 1 whiskey
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
