So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
