i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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