Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
