Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
