i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
