I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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