Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
