highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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